“Please, don’t go- please,” Efe whispers brokenly. Waheed strides out of the room, the tightened grip on his car key the only indication that he heard her. Efe hears the purr of the car engine as he pulls out of the driveway, and leans against the wall, feeling numb in the accompanying silence.
Before Waheed, she had always known a man’s love to be like a father sharing a small piece of meat among five children- not too much for one person, just enough to go round. But Waheed had given her all his ‘meat’. Her back against the wall, she remembers the first time they met.
She had been searching for a bike, shielding herself from the pelting raindrops with her increasingly useless project file. Suddenly, a blue Lexus pulled up. Rolling the windows down, a young man, appearing to be in his early thirties, called out to her and asked her to hop in. Efe hesitated for a few seconds. The man raised his enviously thick, trimmed eyebrows as he patiently waited for her response.
Maybe it was because she’d had a terrible day, with her project supervisor rejecting all her chapters, and was feeling quite reckless. Or maybe he had enchanted her with his warm brown eyes. But quite uncharacteristically for her, she did hop in. Thankfully, he hadn’t murdered her.
“I’m Waheed,” he smiled, his sonorous voice filling the car as they drove along. “Efe,” she replied cautiously. “Well, it’s nice meeting you, Efe.” He glanced down at her lap where her project file lay, and Efe stiffened. “You are in school?” he asked “Yeah, I’m in my final year at UNILAG.” “Oh wow, that’s cool. I studied at UNILAG too.” Efe gave him a side-eye, and he smiled. “You think I’m lying?” he asked. “I never said that.” Efe replied. Waheed laughed.
He reached across her to open the glove compartment and pulled out a towel. Efe caught a glimpse of a book before he closed it. “Here, use it to dry off” he said, handing her the towel. “Thanks.”
As she dabbed at her face and hair, she asked, “Is that yours? The book I mean.” “Oh, yeah, I haven’t gotten around to reading it though” “Well, it’s really nice, you should read it.” “You’ve read it?” Waheed asked, surprised. “Yeah! I love Braithwaithe’s books.” “Hmm, her first one was kinda mid, but I was told to give this one a chance.”
Efe gasped. “Okay, drop me off right now! ‘Mid’?” Waheed laughed at her indignation. They spent the whole ride arguing good naturedly about books, and by the time she had to get down, Efe hoped he would ask for her number, and he did.
The next few years turned out to be the best of Efe’s life, as the duo developed a romantic relationship which led to a marriage proposal.
To Efe’s delight and a bit of unease, Waheed turned out to be the perfect romantic partner, and when she discovered that he was quite untidy with possessions, she was weirdly relieved. At last, a chink in the armor! But even then, Efe kept waiting for the pin to drop.
The pin did drop, as four years after their wedding, amidst numerous fertility treatments, Efe was yet to have something she desperately wanted: a child. Although Waheed always tried to act unbothered, he had never quite mastered the art of concealing his true feelings, so Efe could see the disappointment peek through his face every time the red stain signaled another failed month. Then came the irrational fear that Waheed would leave her. However, nothing changed in their relationship.
On one of the many evenings they spent cuddled up in each other’s arms, Waheed mentioned in passing that one of his colleagues had confided in him about wanting to abort her pregnancy, and he had tried to talk her out of it.
As Waheed spoke, Efe was surprised at how she could feel such strong hatred for someone she didn’t even know. Waheed soon caught on to her unusual quietness and swiftly changed the subject.
When Efe finally missed her period and the subsequent morning sickness set in, she didn’t dare mention it to Waheed. She visited the hospital on her way back from work and only then did she share the news. Only then, did Waheed show just how much he had wanted it.
Upon hearing the news, his brown eyes lit up so much, Efe could have sworn they turned gold. Over the next few weeks, he walked around, his tall frame appearing even taller, and although she knew it was silly, she felt like she had given him a gift. However, her world came crashing down after the ultrasound appointment.
Waheed had wanted to go with her but had to make an urgent trip to Venice at the last minute. “Pseudocyesis,” the doctor said, a dash of sympathy in his voice. “What does that even mean?” she said, wrapping her hands protectively over her stomach. “It’s a very uncommon cas-” “Is the baby fine?” Efe interrupted, her heart pounding. “Madam, I’m sorry, but there is no baby,” the doctor said. “What?”
“Commonly called false pregnancy- pseudocyesis is a condition where a woman has the symptoms of being pregnant but isn’t actually pregnant. It could be caused by a variety of factors- like, a strong desire to be pregnant, or…”
Efe tuned out the rest of the doctor’s words as he droned on monotonously. It was lucky Waheed had been overly dramatic and had hired a personal driver for her, she solemnly thought on the ride home. She couldn’t fathom how she would have gotten home otherwise. Waheed. Efe fought back tears. He would be so crushed. She couldn’t bear to see the light go out of his eyes.
Staring out the window as the car slowed down in traffic, she watched as two young boys ran up to the car, waving green plastics in her face. “Aunty, buy your glo sim card!” they chanted. Efe shook her head tiredly. She didn’t know why at first, but as they drove on, she was fixated on the encounter. Something about it rang a bell in her subconscious. It wasn’t until she got home it finally clicked. Gloria. She snorted at the absurdity of it all. She was definitely going insane. More so, because her mind had single-handedly concocted the plan in the time it took for her to catch up.
She stood staring at her reflection in the bathroom mirror, the seed planted in her mind. If she was really going to do this, she needed to be quick. Waheed returned in two days. Hands shaking, she dialed Waheed’s personal assistant’s number and asked for Gloria’s contact. Luckily, the puzzled girl didn’t ask any questions and efficiently sent it in less than ten minutes. Efe sat on the bathroom floor, staring at the number. She knew that once she took this step, there was no going back. She dialed the number.
***
Efe clutched her handbag nervously as she waited in the restaurant. Gloria soon walked in, glancing around. Efe’s eyes were drawn to her stomach. She couldn’t help it. Gloria wasn’t showing yet, or perhaps her red blouse was doing a very good job in hiding it. Efe waved her over. Gloria spotted her, came over and the women sat there for a minute just staring at each other. Gloria broke the silence.
Just so we are clear, I’m only doing this because I’m really not ready for a baby in my life right now, and I’m too much of a coward to get rid of it,” she said, not quite meeting Efe’s eyes. “Also, Waheed is a good man; he is the only person at the office I feel comfortable enough with to speak to about stuff. I care about him, and I feel really horrible doing this to him. So, he can never know about this!” she said forcefully.
“Of course, I’m not stupid!” Efe snapped shakily. “You t-think, I don’t know what this is? You think I don’t feel horrible? Listen, as much as I am doing it for myself, I’m also doing it for him, okay? He would be crushed if I told him I’m really not pregnant!” she whispered fiercely. “Besides, I’m also doing it for an innocent child who otherwise would’ve grown up in an environment where it wasn’t wanted!” Efe added spitefully. Gloria glared at her for a moment, then sighed defeatedly. “Lord, this is so horrible,” she said, putting her face in her hands.
Efe said nothing, her face impassive as she stared at Gloria. Gloria raised her head. “By the way, how do you even intend to pull this off for the next seven months?” she asked, eyeing Efe curiously. “You don’t need to worry about that. I just need your word. Are we doing this or not?” Efe replied in a clipped tone. Gloria raised an eyebrow. She sighed, then nodded.
“Okay then, I will need a couple of things. You have the baby’s ultrasound?” Efe asked briskly, suddenly businesslike. Gloria stared at her in a new light. She nodded again.
On her way home, Efe bought two fake pregnant belly prosthetics that matched her skin tone and waited nervously for Waheed’s return. It was so much easier than she thought it would be. Waheed gushed over Gloria’s ultrasound, and his happiness made Efe feel like her guilt was a small price to pay.
Months passed and Waheed never noticed anything strange. The fact that his company had a sudden spike in business didn’t- or in Efe’s case, helped matters, as he had to make prolonged business trips several times a month.
“This was too easy” Efe found herself thinking often. The universe must be laughing at her. “It’s not too late to tell him the truth” she thought, at other times. But every time she thought of telling him the truth, she imagined the light going out of his eyes, his face falling for a second then him pulling on that brave mask for her. “That could be the last straw” she thought, “He might finally give in to the pressure and get another wife. That couldn’t happen!” she thought desperately.
It was the sixth month. Waheed had booked a beach house for the weekend, so they could spend time together after being apart for a while, and they were getting ready to head out. “Babe, did you pack my jean shorts?” Waheed called from the bedroom, as she did her hair in the bathroom. “No babe,” she answered. “Where are they?” Waheed asked. Efe rolled her eyes. “Check the wardrobe babe!” She didn’t hear anything back for a while until… “Efe…” Waheed called in a strangely low tone.
She sighed exasperatedly as she put down the brush she had been using to tame her edges and went out into the bedroom. The first thing she saw when she entered were clothes strewn all over the floor, obviously from Waheed’s hunt for his shorts. “There he goes,” she thought resignedly. “Not this wardrobe, the second one-” she huffed. Then she spotted him standing across the room, holding something out to her. Shit!
“Efe, what is this?” Waheed asked in an even lower tone, his voice shaking ever so slightly. “What? Oh, that’s the thing the doctor asked me to wear; it helps with the pain when the b-baby is k-kicking!” she answered with forced cheeriness. Waheed’s hand dropped. The prosthetic hit the floor with a soft thud. He walked slowly over to her and Efe took an involuntary step back, her back hitting the wall.
“Lift up your shirt Efe,” Waheed whispered, standing so close to her that she could count his lashes. Efe shook her head and held his hand. “Waheed, please…” Waheed ignored her and lifted her shirt, bringing his hand ever so slowly to her belly, and pushed. He took a sharp intake of breath as he felt the softness of the prosthetic, then ripped it off her stomach with a sob. “Why, Efe?” “I’m sorry! L-listen babe, I was pregnant, I was! But then the doctor said that it was a false pregnancy, and then I panicked and… I-I’m so sorry-”
Waheed turned away, then with a primal roar, upturned the table in the room, sending bottles of creams and perfume crashing to the ground. Efe covered her mouth, holding back a scream. The couple stood five feet apart, each heart torn into a million shreds. “I don’t understand though,” Waheed said, breathing heavily. His usual smiling brown eyes were now slitted, jet black in anger. “What were you going to do, when it was the baby’s due date, huh?” “Gloria,” Efe whispered. Waheed stared at her with a confused expression, then slowly he understood. “Oh my God.” He slid on the floor, covering his face with his hands. Efe stood at the other side of the room, crying silently.
After a few minutes, Waheed stood up, swaying like a drugged man. He grabbed his car keys off the bedside table. “Please- don’t go, please” Efe whispered brokenly. Waheed did not spare her a glance. It struck her that it was the first time she had asked for something, and he hadn’t given it to her.
***
Now, she stands at the floor-to-ceiling window of the house and prays for him to come back. Her heart jumps when she sees the car headlights, and she sobs watching Waheed walk towards the house, his shoulders slumped. He soon spots her standing at the window and stops. The couple stare at each other silently through the glass and Efe sees a flicker of brown in his eyes, which gives her hope. It would take some time, but damn it, she was willing to wait a lifetime. She remembers something she’d heard her father say once. “There are some things that are so unforgivable that they make other things so much easier to forgive.” “This is one of them,” she thinks sadly.
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